My family is back from their vacation. Thank goodness.
I have to say, I think I am pleased with my personal navel-gazing while they were gone. I did things, I accomplished stuff that needed doing, I kept the house clean, I ate healthy food, I took care of the various pets, I saw people, I spent time alone.
In other words, I behaved like a perfectly functional human being instead of a wallowing slacker layabout who fails and disappoints everyone. Go me!
I am given to understand that there are people in the world who manage to hold jobs and maintain relationships and work on projects without having gone through a period of screwing all of that up. I’m not entirely sure how they do it. My partner, J, is one of those people. She says that she just imagines the consequences of not doing the things, and then does them.
I expect I was simply not that good at thinking ahead, when I was younger. And then, when I found myself mired in negative consequences, it was so clear to me that I had brought them on myself that instead of fixing the situation I wallowed in my own worthless stupidity. I was an otherwise smart person; my failure to see this result was therefore EXTRA stupid. I was the specialest snowflake of failure and despair, you know. My failure and despair were worse than yours, you couldn’t understand, there was no way to fix it, I’ll just run away and avoid you forever.
Oh, dear sweet crickets. How utterly, appallingly tiresome I was.
I’ve learned, now. I am better at seeing ahead to things. I am better at making plans and following through on them so as to avoid crushing failure and despair.
Mostly I make lists and leave them all over the house.
I think, sometimes, that “a real responsible person” would manage to do these things without lists, without reminders, without fear as a motivator. But that’s bullshit. You know what a real responsible person does? Figure out a way that works and use it.
But, enough of me nattering on about my personal development. The really important thing is, MY FAMILY IS HOME FROM VACATION.
All’s well in the world.