They’re home! They’re home!

My family is back from their vacation. Thank goodness.

I have to say, I think I am pleased with my personal navel-gazing while they were gone. I did things, I accomplished stuff that needed doing, I kept the house clean, I ate healthy food, I took care of the various pets, I saw people, I spent time alone.

In other words, I behaved like a perfectly functional human being instead of a wallowing slacker layabout who fails and disappoints everyone. Go me!

I am given to understand that there are people in the world who manage to hold jobs and maintain relationships and work on projects without having gone through a period of screwing all of that up. I’m not entirely sure how they do it. My partner, J, is one of those people. She says that she just imagines the consequences of not doing the things, and then does them.

I expect I was simply not that good at thinking ahead, when I was younger. And then, when I found myself mired in negative consequences, it was so clear to me that I had brought them on myself that instead of fixing the situation I wallowed in my own worthless stupidity. I was an otherwise smart person; my failure to see this result was therefore EXTRA stupid. I was the specialest snowflake of failure and despair, you know. My failure and despair were worse than yours, you couldn’t understand, there was no way to fix it, I’ll just run away and avoid you forever.

Oh, dear sweet crickets. How utterly, appallingly tiresome I was.

I’ve learned, now. I am better at seeing ahead to things. I am better at making plans and following through on them so as to avoid crushing failure and despair.

Mostly I make lists and leave them all over the house.

I think, sometimes, that “a real responsible person” would manage to do these things without lists, without reminders, without fear as a motivator. But that’s bullshit. You know what a real responsible person does? Figure out a way that works and use it.

But, enough of me nattering on about my personal development. The really important thing is, MY FAMILY IS HOME FROM VACATION.

All’s well in the world.

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2 Responses

  1. I do think about consequences, but I have definitely screwed things up in jobs, projects and relationships. I don’t think anyone is immune to that.

  2. Yaaaaaay family!

    I am firmly, firmly in the “figure out what works for you and use it” camp. That is SO so freeing when you can let go of the “But I *ought* to be able to do it This Other Way That Seems More Grownup!” Sometimes it takes a while to do that!

    When we were first married we lived about 2 hours from my parents, and sometimes we would drive down to see them for the weekend. And we are both generally mellow and cheerful people who get along well, but trying to come home from work Friday night, pack and eat and get in the car and go made us both CRANKY and we would have an unpleasantly snippy drive. And we both felt it should not be like this, and tried to pack ahead of time, which we never managed, and tried to Just Not Be Cranky! which never worked, and finally it occurred to us that if Friday night didn’t work it was ACTUALLY OKAY to wait and drive down Saturday morning. Duh.

    On the household-organization front–well, we are both utter slobs, and mostly that works fine, actually. But one point of contention was–washa_way has to wear a tie to work every day, and he is not a big tie fan. So the tie comes off the SECOND he gets in the door, and they never, never made it all the way through the house to the tie rack in his closet. And his dad is a serious clothes junkie who I swear gives half his stuff away every couple of months so he can BUY MORE, so even though w. is not a tie guy he has a BILLION of them, which circumstance he would use to grab yet another tie from the rack instead of looking for one of the ones he had ditched somewhere. Which would eventually result in an empty rack and approximately forty-seven ties scattered throughout the house. TIES EVVVVVVVERYWHERE. ON THE FLOOR. GETTING STEPPED ON AND NEEDING DRY CLEANING.

    So I nailed a damn tie rack to the wall RIGHT NEXT TO THE FRONT DOOR. This is not an option that appears in any decorating book ever. It looks ridiculous. It *WORKS*. Tie comes off the second he walks in, it goes there, they are ALL THERE. YAY.

    Which is a very long-winded way to say I totally agree with you!

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