Parmesan-Kale Fritters

I … cannot remember where I saw this recipe. So I have since then merely made it up.

Take some kale. Rip it off the stem and tear into bite-sized pieces. How much? Well, that sort of depends. It depends on how much you want to make, and how much cheese you have, and how big your pots and pans are. Let’s say you have two bunches of kale from the store. Rip it up.

Take a pot big enough to hold your raw kale. Put about a half-inch of water into it. Put the kale in. Cover. Blanch the kale. “Blanch” is a fancy word which in this case means “steam it for about three minutes or until it turns dark green.” Wait for the water to boil, then check after about a minute.

Drain the kale. Pat it dry in a towel. Put the blanched kale in a huge bowl. You probably have about 4-6 cups of blanched, wet kale.

Grate the parmesan. You want about half as many cups of cheese as you have cups of blanched kale. So, two? Three? Mix the grated parm in with your kale.

In a smaller bowl, crack two or three eggs. About one egg per two cups of kale and one cup of parm. (As you can see, you can ratchet this recipe up and down, depending on what you have.) Let’s say you have six cups of kale and three of cheese in the bowl. So that’s three eggs. Mix the eggs. Add pepper, possibly some paprika. Probably not salt. The cheese is hella salty. Mix in about two teaspoons of flour per egg you used. Whisk this together really well.

Pour the egg-flour mixture over the kale and cheese, mixing for all you’re worth. The result should be slightly shiny and sticky kale and cheese. If it looks like the egg just isn’t coating things, crack another egg or two and add them in.

Grab a big skillet, preferably a deep-ish one. Put about a quarter-inch of oil in it. Not olive oil, that ends up smoking after a while. Something more suited to high heat. Canola oil, corn oil, coconut oil. I used canola because it doesn’t taste like much. Heat it on high until the oil is shimmering in the pan, then turn down to a medium high.

Oh, by the way, you are going to be splashed with oil spatter during the next part.

Take a spoonful of the kale mixture and dollop it into the hot oil. Repeat to the capacity of your pan. The kale fritters should not touch if possible. The fritters should be small enough that you can flip them with your available spatula.

Fry until the cheese is clearly browning around the edges. Flip.

Cook on the second side almost as long as you did on the first side. You can flip them again, to check.

Remove those fritters from the pan with the spatula. Place on a drying rack, or a plate with paper towels on it, or some things like that. Technically speaking, what’s probably best is if you have a baking tray with a drying rack in it, already sitting in your warm oven (200 degrees F). Then you could just open the over and slide the hot fritters onto the tray to drip, and they wouldn’t get cold.

Repeat until you are out of kale mix.

Thing to note:

— Despite all my efforts, the last few fritters had more cheese and egg than the first few.
— If the oil starts smoking, turn the heat down.
— If the cheese is just not browning, turn the heat up.
— If you run low on oil, add more and let it get up to temp before dolloping in more kale.

These are salty and cheesy and, really, there’s nothing like eating your vegetables covered in FRIED CHEESE.

Nom.

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