News out of SDCC

There’s a lot of superhero movie and tv news out of San Diego ComicCon this weekend.

This Wonder Woman movie trailer looks pretty good. Speaking as someone who has boycotted all the recent DC movies, well, I think I’ll go see this one.

Marvel’s NetFlix show, Luke Cage, looks promising. I particularly like contrasting this hallway fight with the hallways fights in the first two season of Daredevil, and Jessica’s hallway walk in the first episode of Jessica Jones.

The Black Panther movie casting was announced, and it’s pretty damn good.

And they announced that Brie Larson will play Captain Marvel in the upcoming movie.

… I don’t even know where to start with feelings about this.

There was a time in my life when I would have seriously considered signing a contract with infernal forces if it meant seeing a good, serious, well-made movie about my favorite comic book characters. Like, weighing my soul against the value of one really good superhero movie that everyone in the world could see? The amount of joy that would bring to the planet? For my soul? Seriously, y’all, I woulda signed.

But I’ve never been really good at hope.

I’m an optimist, yes, obviously. But I am a weary, resigned, squinchy-eyed optimist. I am an optimist because there are no other choices. Being a cynic is both boring as hell and it does nothing, creates nothing. Being a pessimist just means your friends avoid you and you spiral into clinical depression. If you truly believe that everything is shit and the worst is unavoidable, well, how much do you contribute to the planet? So I’m an optimist. I believe that I can effect change. That I have a right and duty to effect change.

I’m an optimist because I don’t have a choice. Not because I am hopeful.

I look at the Brie Larson casting and I think, geez, they couldn’t’a cast someone older? Someone bigger? A woman of color? And the part of my heart that still cries every time I read a Captain Marvel comic just sits numbly in the corner, waiting for the movie to suck. Or for it to never get made. Or for Zack Snyder to be made the director. Or SOMETHING terrible to go wrong.

But … But I can’t really be bitter. Or angry. Or cynical. Because there is going to be a Captain Marvel movie, and this matters to me, and I want it, and I want it to be good.

But I can’t be hopeful because I am an intelligent and aware person who lives in reality, and I’ve met superhero movies before.

If there is a word for this feeling, I don’t know it.

Is there a word for “I once would have given my soul for this movie and I can only see the flaws and problems with every announcement but my heart still thumps with joy and if you slag on Brie Larson in my mentions I will CUT you”?

If there is a word for it, it’s probably in German.

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